i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
