Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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