part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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