i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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