I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
