Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
