you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
