we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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