Dude my mom stole all your condoms
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
