no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
