Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
