my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize