I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
