tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
