This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
