I just threw up on my dentist
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
