My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
