what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
