She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
