yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
