No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
