Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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