you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
