please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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