Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
