Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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