I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
