Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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