It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
