girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
