if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
