just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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