I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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