Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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