Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
