I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
