Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
