At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize