so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
