What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
