if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
