sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
As shirtless as possible
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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