C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
