eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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