I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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