I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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