We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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