New invention idea: vibrating tampons
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
