Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize