Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't deserve a penis
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
