he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
