I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
