Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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