You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
