under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
