If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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