sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
