She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize