I'm really into asian looking animals
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize