I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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