Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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