she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
