My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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