Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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