just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my poor anus
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
