The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
