: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Where is the hickey?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
