I just pynch a tree in the face
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
