actually, I'm a sock model
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize