Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
