Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
