Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
