Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
