Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
