i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
