At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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