Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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