I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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