i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im six kinds of drunk right now
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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