I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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