Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am one with the molecules
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
