38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
