You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
