I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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