if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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