I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
