the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
