Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
